fear NOT!

I sit here in the middle of the night reflecting on a recent event. Such an event, I am becoming more familiar with, than I would like.

I question my reaction but continually conclude there is no rational answer. Such fears show no discrimination, and logic is replaced by instinct in my plight of fight or flight.

I sometimes look at myself and wonder why I would place myself in situations where an illogical fear takes over and I am debilitated from making any rational judgements or control the sense of intense fear I feel, and at the end of an episode, I feel like I am left with a heart beat similar to that of a marathon runner. My plight has meant, my body goes in to over drive and it seems to prepare for the fastest and longest run it can possibly do in the event of this being the last resort.

Contemplating the safety of the crossing

I begin to examine my reasoning, and speak to God in prayer more and more about this. I am reassured His promise to protect and comfort me is certain, His promise of escape in these situations are possible and His promise to keep me from harm is sure. Time after time in these episodes He has proved faithful.

I do hope and pray these fears will leave me but in the mean time, I will try not to let them dominate my actions especially those in response to calling /vocation from the Lord. “For Obedience is better than Sacrifice” (1 Samuel 15:22)

An extract from a prayer dialogue recounted to Archbishop Ferdinand Perier in 1947, quotes Mother Teresa as hearing from God, “You are I know the most incapable person — weak and sinful but just because you are that — I want to use You for My glory. Wilt thou refuse?” A Hard pill to sometimes swallow.

  

It is difficult, it is hard, it is downright terrifying most of the times when faced with this fear/phobia, and the only glimpse of rationality that comes through is, God will keep me because this is HIS promise to me.

Do not let what you IMAGINE to be the future prognosis, stop you from taking the job you should take, going to the University you should go to, marry the man/woman whom God has betroved you to, or any other plan of the devil to sabotage your purpose, whether momentarily or long term. 

Surrender in your weakness to Christ, and know, “He is able to do far beyond all that we ask or think” (Ephesians 3:20). He has promised in our weakness, HE IS STRONG and “ therefore I am content with weaknesses, with insults, with troubles, with persecutions and difficulties for the sake of Christ, for whenever I am weak, then I am strong”( 2 Corinthians 12:10).

Let God’s promises influence where and how you tread. It is His purpose for your life, which will yield the ultimate reward in His kingdom. “Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own”. (Matthew 6:33-34)

I write this as an encouragement to myself and to anyone who needs encouraging in this area of their life. Do not let irrational fear dictate where you go, how you go, and what happens when you are there. Do not let irrational fear be a debilitating factor that you sit on your vocation or God’s Will because of the False Evidence Appearing Real. “Feel the fear and do it anyway”.

Be motivated by the Lord who calls you, and promises to keep you. OUR GOD is able. I can testify to this time and time again. I find it difficult to understand how I am not scared of entering a slum ridden with diseases and other situations where my physical life is at risk, but the things I fear the most, many do not notice their existence much, nor can they rationalize the intensity of my fear when it is played out around them.

“I am shaken, but NOT crushed!

I am persecuted but NOT abandoned!

Pressed down but NOT destroyed!”

(2Corinthians 4:8-9)

This they struggle to understand is the same person who God has given these other gifts to share with HIS people, and when in these roles and away from the fear/phobia appear competent and confident in those scenarios. This is certainly because I can accomplish nothing apart from Him. “Jesus is the vine and we are the branches. The one who remains in Him bears much fruit, because apart from Him we can accomplish nothing” (John 15:5).

In one of my roles in Bangladesh............A few Students from the English Class I teach!

These are all aspects of me, and I believe at this stage in my life they play a balancing act with each other. Man can sometimes esteem man to too high a position, so though embarrassing and difficult, I am pleased these fears in action are witnessed by others. My weakness is as much on show as my strengths. Leaving me vulnerable to negative criticism/snide comments/ pity/ and a roar of laughter at times. But it’s OK because God is strong!

 Hopefully, this will translate to me not being perceived as a person who is expected to be “perfect” in others imagination/perception. This sort of pressure / bordering idolatry would create too much room for me to fall off a man made pedestal.

I will probably find myself standing on a chair, screaming with a fast pulsating heart beat or in another situation which causes me to fear in the not to distant future, desperately seeking a way out, but the reality is, I would much rather do these things and be walking in the will and purpose of God. 

With the help of God, I will continue to wrestle and not be overcome by my imagination and "bound/secured" in my comfort zone.

  

There is a season for everything under the sun and as much as I look forward to the day when the things that cause me to fear are no more an issue in my life, with equal measure I say, to God be the glory. God’s goodness is constant and does not depend on whether I am healed from this on this earth or not. GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME, whether I am in a state of fear or calm! And because of His Goodness, it is well whether I perceive it or not! 

CUP ladies TRANSITIONING to a new phase

It has being a really honour to come along side the ladies and their children at CUP. http://www.childrensupliftprogramme.org/p/home.html

 They didn’t hesitate to be-friend me and to show me kindness. I walk in to the room where they sit together and sew the Kanthas. I am greeted with beaming smiles and a warm retort of “SalamALEkum Appa”, “Walekum Salam” I would say. There is one particular lady who calls me her “Bandoubi”, meaning friend and would give me a warm hand shake and remind the others I am HER friend.

Infact, I would like to say I am a friend to all of them but this would not be true, I see myself as a figure in the background not really knowing what I am doing to support them but try whatever I can to aid when I am needed. It never feels like I can do enough, when it feels like they do so much for me.  

When I am not with the children in an activity, or working on a document. I am often seen flitering around with the camera, recording “special moments”, births, group photos, individual photos, family photos but most curious to them were my photos of the Kanthas. They stared at me like a crazy person and some sniggered wondering why anybody would take photos of cloth? Why would they put the cloth in different poses? But on the grapevine, I have heard they accept that the people in “the west” are a little eccentric and like looking at photos of cloth when choosing there items. Satisfied with this reasoning they continue to sew, but think it is a bit strange.

CUP moved in to a new phase on May 1^st 2011. Twenty four women joined the training programme 2 years ago .  Fourteen of the women are now employed by Hand &Cloth Bangladesh  and one woman has a job somewhere else, and the others will remain in the training programme at CUP for the time being until they are ready to be transitioned. The children whose mothers were in the CUP’s training programme will remain with CUP for the next few weeks as Hand and Cloth completes its recruitment for suitable “iyahs” to look after the children.

The women will continue to make Kanthas for an  international market at Hand and Cloth. They also have aspirations to work on new patents to make other sort after items in the international market. This includes bags made from jute and other locally sourced items. I have seen the samples and already tempted to place an order. This will be done with fair trade values and the women will be encouraged to take ownership in the cooperation in the future through many different aspects. See the Hand and Cloth website for more details. http://www.handandcloth.org/about

This is a real achievement for the ladies who are now employees of Hand and Cloth Bangladesh.  All at CUP were already pleased with their progress, as they journeyed with these ladies and witnessed them leave behind chaotic lifestyles and slowly embraced a life of positive prospect with a renewed mind, and skills which will last them beyond Hand and Cloth if they choose to do so in the future. “Just a year ago all these women had lived on the streets surviving through begging for money or selling sex. Many had been trafficked, abandoned by their husbands, suffered violence and exploitation. All were sexually exploited or at high risk of being so. All are mothers of young children whose futures looked bleak. A year later and these women’s lives have been transformed. They are now confident mothers, living in homes and ready for this new challenge.”

Hand and Cloth will continue with the literacy programme, and offering emotional stability through counseling and a family planning worker. These we believe are imperative integral parts of their progress for themselves and their families.

CUP will maintain strong ties with Hand and Cloth. This CUP hopes will reassure the ladies as they enter this new phase. Hand and Cloth’s office and workshop is one floor up in the same building as CUP, so we will also see them regularly enough.

A new set of women are now about to join CUP’s training programme. They were all brought to CUP by the outreach worker who risks her own reputation to go to the various places to speak to women in sex work, and offering them the chance to reform there lives with the support of CUP.

 Some are already here and for the month of April the CUP building has felt very full, but this overlap is necessary to reassure all the women of their new beginnings. We will also find more women join the training programme through-out the year. CUP looks forward to the year ahead, as they set to prepare these new women for brighter horizons. And positively anticipate the futures of the women who have now transitioned to Hand and Cloth.

The Photos here were taken at the leaving ceremony. CUP staff recognised the achievement of these ladies then the ladies spoke of how being at CUP has helped to transform theirs and their childrens lives and encouraged the new ladies who were joining to complete the course. They stood as living examples of what can happen when you decide to make a positive change for the future. These first set of ladies to transition from CUP had no examples to follow, but they had the support and the promise of the CUP staff that they will venture with them. AND THE PICTURES HERE SHOW THAT DAY HAS SURELY COME!

Tears in Transition

Shaing a meal

Staff Celebrating with the ladies

Wiping away their tears of Joy

A Hug of reassurance

Floods of Tears into her Urna

Prayer time

Prayer of Thanksgiving